YBJTTtSH: Yarne's Quest
by zeldamaster456
Summary: FE13. Yarne's Big Journey Through Time to Save Himself. Wondering how Vaike and Panne hooked up, Yarne is freaked out when he finds out he begins disappearing due to events occuring in the past. He enlists the help of the others. Yeah, this is going to turn out well.
1. C1

_This was a story author Hawkholly and I (along with a little bit from DonPianta) made quite some time ago. I dug it up just now and see that it's actually still quite good, so I'm posting it now after holding off on it for quite some time. This is only the first chapter, but there's more to come!_

 _ **Disclaimer: We do not own any character in this story or the Fire Emblem series. Intelligent Systems and Nintendo do. Yep.**_

* * *

"The Vaike needs a partner in his life that he can appreciate. He needs...the special bunny wife!"

Panne walked in, looking at Vaike and rolling her eyes at his idiocy. It was just another day in Chrom's army. "Special...bunny wife?" she asked incredulously, glaring at the fighter. "I'd rather eat a potato than socialize with intolerable man-spawn like you."

With a huff, she walked out of the barracks, leaving a flustered Vaike by himself. "H-Hey baby!" he cried out, leaving the room and pacing after the Taguel. "We're meant to be, don't ya see?!"

Meanwhile, Yarne from the future stared at the two, awestruck. "...THESE are my parents?" he muttered to himself. "...I'd better figure out how to get them hooked up...otherwise the taguel are going to die out!"

Yarne looked down at his hand, seeing it suddenly start to disappear. "T-This isn't good!" he gasped, sprinting to find assistance. "I need to find someone who can help me get to the bottom of this, or no more Taguel!"

The only other person in the room was Maribelle. She was looking at herself in a small handheld mirror, and she was not very pleased with her appearance. "Oh, my," she sniffed. "I do believe I'll have to go down to the shop later and buy more appliances for myself..."

 _"Maybe Brady's mom will help,"_ Yarne thought, hiding his disappearing hand behind his back as he walked behind the newly promoted Valkyrie. _"After all, she seems trustworthy enough."_

Turning around, Maribelle gasped seeing Yarne and put her hand mirror away, glaring a bit at the Taguel boy. "Yarne, it isn't polite to sneak up behind people, you know. You could give a lady a heart attack. The nerve."

Yarne smiled sheepishly, running a hand through his blonde skunk stripe. "U-Um, sorry Mrs. Brady's mom. Well...I have a question regarding my parents."

Maribelle seemed to calm slightly. "Ah, Vaike and Panne. A pair I wouldn't imagine would hook up, but complement each other rather well. What do you need to know, dear boy?" she asked curiously, smiling a bit.

 _"Progress!"_ Yarne cheered in his mind. "How did they, you know, hook up? Because...I think something disrupted the past."

As he said that, the Taguel showed the Valkyrie his disappearing hand, causing her to gasp. "This is...quite the strange phenomenon..." she spoke, grabbing the Taguel's non-vanishing hand. "Come on, dear boy. Maribelle will tell you all you need to know if it'll save yourself."

"Alright! One step closer to no extinction!"

"As you can quite tell," she began, "Vaike is kind of...lacking in the smarts section. He's more brawny, y'know? Your mother prefers those with intellect and those who are not human...as you can see, your father is automatically out of both of these departments. Perhaps if you can get your father to stop saying stupid things, maybe your mother will appreciate him more..."

"Any chance we can change things on my mother's end? Although I uh, hate to make them be different people..." Yarne scratched his neck.

"If you feel so poorly about this, we can always just tell them," Maribelle replied.

Yarne shook his head multiple times. "No, they got together as themselves..."

Maribelle straightened up quickly. "Well, I cannot accept a change of the future. Time has to run its course." She stamped the ground with her staff to accentuate her words. Yarne's eyebrows shot up. He began to think back...

* * *

 _"We can't change the past," Brady said._

 _"We don't have a choice. The present is completely worthless."_

 _I hated to agree, but Lucina's the smartest of us._

 _"Time has to run its course," Brady retorted, but Lucina had already jumped._

* * *

Closing his eyes, Yarne suddenly was deep in thought. Maribelle watched the Taguel think curiously until he opened his eyes, brimming with confidence.

"I...I think I know what to do," he declared. "If I can time travel back in time...like I did now...maybe...maybe I can convince them about me, their son. The last living Taguel. It's...It's quite the shot, and I don't know if I'll come back to THIS timeline, but I'm willing to do it."

Maribelle put a hand to her chin. "Do...do you honestly think that your plan will work? I don't want you to not exist, but changing the past is a bit crazy..."

Yarne smiled. "Hey, that's what Lucina, Cynthia, Brady, Noire, the others, and I are trying to accomplish coming back before Grima's rule, right?" he assured her. "I need to find a way to go back in time, though..."

Maribelle pondered this problem. "Perhaps one of the other children can help you..."

Brady just so happened to suddenly walk in. "Oh, hey, Yarne! What'cha-" He tensed as he saw Maribelle. "Aw, MA! Why're ya botherin' the poor bloke?"

"I'm not bothering him!" she snapped. "And it is 'Why are you bothering the poor bloke?' Go on, repeat it!"

Brady rolled his eyes. "Sheesh, Ma...I'm sorry, Yarne..."

Yarne waved his hand, amused at how the two family members were acting. "Don't worry about it, Brady. Besides, your mom's helping me out with something really important that's crucial to my survival."

Brady widened his eyes. "And what would that be?" he asked. "This time, ya sound serious about that survival bullcrap ya like spoutin' out a lot."

Rolling his eyes again, Yarne showed the priest his disappearing left hand. Yelping, Brady almost jumped out of his shoes. "Leapin' lizards!" he shouted. "Y-Yarne, y-your hand! I can't see it no more!"

The Taguel's expression was feared, but determined. "I need to find a way to get to the past to make sure my parents hook up alright. I think something happened, which resulted...in this," he told him, waving his transparent hand. "And...you're gonna help me."

"W-Wha? Me? A m-mope like me?" Brady stuttered, looking down. "I can't do nothin' special, and ya know that."

"Brady!" Maribelle suddenly scolded, glaring at her son.

Running a hand through his black hair, Brady sighed. "S-Sorry Ma...I can't do anything special, and you know that, Yar-"

"I appreciate your grammar getting mended," Maribelle said, smiling before frowning again. "But your friend here needs your help. And I'm ordering you to help him out."

"Yer ORDERIN' me?" Brady yelped. "But Ma-"

"Help him!" she commanded. "Or no more tea for the rest of the week!"

Brady's eyes widened. "...You wouldn't!"

"Oh, yes I would!"

Brady sighed. "...Yeah, I'll help ya out, Yarne...but don't expect me to know nothin' bout this kinda stuff."


	2. C2

_Panne watched as three people talked in Maribelle's tent. As much as she wished to remain watchful of all the humans, she could not find it in her capacity to care._

 _Secretly, she was basically fighting herself. A crush is a crush, and no one can control who they're attracted too, but hers always had a way of pissing her off. She'd felt the same thing weeks earlier with Frederick. He'd started off as a respectable and bold man with a razor-sharp character, and over time he revealed himself to be an unreliable and disinterested man, basically a complete submissive to every self-supposed whim of the royal siblings. Panne had to change her focus quickly before despair set in, and the focus jumped to the first in line. Vaike._

 _Vaike was personable, humorous, and just the right amount of confident. No, it was definitely an overdose of narcissism. Panne decided to break her heart's suppositions before they broke her. The guy had the looks and the personality, and she believed with all her heart that he had the touch, but he lacked the sense and the brains._

 _Panne entered the field and found Chrom training with Stahl. "Hey, are you up to train?" the lord asked her._

* * *

"This is a load of malarkey!" Brady sighed as he and Yarne went around camp to find a few others to recruit to save Yarne from extinction. "No one's gonna believe our story, Yarne. Best give up an' tell Ma all 'bout it."

"What, and watch as I disappear faster than you can say 'malarkey'?" Yarne snapped, showing Brady his hand. "This is all the proof we need to get people to join our cause."

Brady pouted a bit, scratching the back of his head. "Alright, alright. Let's see who we can find."

"What's all the commotion here, comrades?"

Turning around hearing the familiar voice, the two saw Owain standing in front of them, twirling around his Missiletainn. "I heard something about disappearing and malarkey. I'm intrigued."

"Owain! Just the man we wanted to see!" Yarne cheered.

"Really? _Owain?_ " Brady asked in disbelief.

"Hey, anyone works for me! Owain, you believe that you can change the past, right?"

Owain's eyes widened a bit at the sudden question. "Well, that's the reason why we all went back in time to assist our parents, am I correct? And things seem to be working so far. So yes, I believe it is indeed possible to change the past," came his response.

Yarne smiled a bit. "Good, because..."

He showed Owain his disappearing hand, causing the myrmidon to jump in shock.

"OF LYON'S DARK MAGIC, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?!"

"It's something that happened in the past," Yarne explained, rubbing the back of his head with his other hand. "That's why we're going."

"Hey, if ya want to, Owain, you can take my place!" Brady said cheerfully, only to earn a light punch from Yarne.

Owain tensed. "My sword hand...it's twitching...all right! Owain is IN!"

Brady blinked. "...Uh...you sure 'bout this, Yarne? _Anyone_ works for you?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

Yarne didn't sound sure.

Owain proceeded to do a bunch of backflips and dramatic poses with his sword. "Who knows what dangers we will face?"

Pose.

"Paradoxes, extinction...maybe even..."

Backflip and pose.

"DEATH!"

Pose.

"But alas, not to us, but to our enemies! As long as my sword hand twitches, we will all be safe, my friends!"

Brady winced. "I'll...be over there...with the normal people." He tried to hurry off, but Yarne grabbed him with his good hand. "Oh, no you don't!" Yarne scolded.

The three then continued on their way through the camp, looking out for anyone they deemed useful.

"My sword hand points to...Chrom! Maybe he'll help us out!" Owain declared, pointing at Chrom's tent, which was the biggest out of all the tents which were set up in the camp. Shaking his head, Yarne sighed.

"The last thing we need to do is make him worry about our problem when he has other things to handle," he told the myrmidon. "We'll get this handled without his help."

Brady looked around. "I told ya recruiting people would be a pain, Yarne..." he grunted.

"Hey, we got Owain, didn't we?"

"Reluctantly, but yeah, we did."

Owain glared at Brady, clearly offended. "Don't be such a villain, Brady! I'm sure my intellect and words of wisdom will get us to figure out what's happening with our dear friend Yarne and save him! Don't lose hope, friend!"

Brady sighed. "You're gonna get us sent to the crazy house if you keep blabbing nonsense loud enough fer everyone to hear, ya dope..."

"Stop fighting!" Yarne hissed, seeing a familiar archer girl turn her gaze toward the three. "I think we found our next member!"

Nervously, the girl walked up to the three. "I heard Owain chanting something...what's going on with you guys?" she asked, widening her eyes a bit.

"Well-" Yarne started, but he was abruptly interrupted by Lissa's son.

"Noire! Just the gal we wanted to see!" he exclaimed, beaming. Noire looked at him in confusion.

"Eh?"

"Would you like to join us on our epic quest to save Yarne?" he asked, turning serious.

"B-But...Yarne's right here..." the girl stuttered, weakly pointing at the Taguel. Sighing, Yarne showed her his missing hand, causing Noire to cover her mouth with her hands to stop herself from screaming loudly.

"Yeah," Yarne said with another sigh. "But, like Owain said, do you wanna help us out?"

Noire looked like she was about to faint. "Your...your hand. Your hand is missing."

"Yeah," Brady said, impatience creeping into his voice. "Can't ya give us an answer already?! The sooner we get this crap done with, the sooner we can get back!"

Owain gave Brady a hard look. "Don't rush the lass. Look at her! Unless we do something heroic, she's going to faint!"

"I don't see you doin' anything!" Brady snapped at Owain.

"I...I can't right now! My sword hand is twitching! I might lose control of it and stab the poor girl between the eyes!"

Noire's eyes widened. "W-What?"

"And when you do, I'LL be here to patch her back up!" Brady retorted, anger starting to rise.

"Stop it!" Yarne cried, getting in-between the two. "You're scaring her half to death!"

Noire was trembling in her shoes. "I...I...I..."

"Will you join us in our epic quest, Noire?" Owain asked. "Do not worry about being harmed! If any enemy tries to harm any of you, my sword hand will obliterate them all!"

Noire looked extremely unsure, but she said, "U-Um...I'll help...but only because Yarne is nice to me..."

Yarne blushed a bit, scratching the back of his head. "G-Gee, I try to be nice to everyone," he replied, hoping to the gods that Noire didn't notice his face turning red. "Anyway, thanks for joining up with us. I'm getting worried thinking about all this."

Noire smiled a bit. "Not a problem," she said, her nervousness deflating. "Now...is it just us four, or-"

"NO!" Owain bellowed, causing Noire to jump in fear and hide behind Yarne, who looked fearful himself. "We need a five man band! Everyone knows that those who go on an epic quest is a five person party!"

Brady sighed, taking out his mend staff and preparing to smack Owain on the back of the head with it. "And where, Owain, did ya hear anythin' about a five man band?" he grunted in question, seething a bit with annoyance.

"Well, dear Brady, every novel I read consisted of five man bands! Well...usually they were four man bands with a woman...but either way, they were five man bands! We need one more party member before we can depart!" the myrmidon explained, pointing Missletainn forward at...absolutely nothing.

"I'm gonna get an aneurysm if ya keep this up, Owain..." Brady groaned, walking up behind Lissa's son and holding his staff up high. "Yarne, can I knock this mope out really fast?"

Yarne shook his head. "Owain actually has a point, Brady. The more people, the better. One more will do," he told his friend.

"Who should we invite?" Yarne asked Noire. "Perhaps Laurent?"

Brady made a face. "No, he's probably got his nose in a book. He'll just snap at us, or he'll want to use your hand as research."

Noire blinked. "Wh-What about Severa-"

"NO!" Owain yelled. Noire screamed and leapt behind Yarne again. Owain cleared his throat and said, "No. Remember, in a five-man band, it is four men, one lady. That is how it MUST be if we are to succeed in our quest! So it must be a boy."

"...O-Okay," Noire squeaked. "Th-Then...who else is th-there?"

"If we're not sticking with Laurent, Inigo will have to make do," Owain said confidently. "Now let us find him! If he is not in his tent, perhaps he is frolicking through the forest! Perhaps he will be dancing, following the trail of bread crumbs that lead to a most entertaining adventure, and THEN, perhaps, he will be met by a most interesting plot twist which consists of-"

"Owain," Brady interrupted.

"Yes, Brady?"

"Shut up."

Yarne thought. "Yeah, it'll have to be Inigo...I hope he's in his tent..."

The four began to walk off that way. "What if he's not in his tent?" Noire asked uneasily.

"Then..." Owain swung his sword. "He'll have been KIDNAPPED! His captor would have carried him off to the enemy and have him executed! But first, he would be forced to tell the enemy everything he knows about us, AND he would be forced to dance for them! And then he would have to be-"

"Owain," Brady said sharply, "shut yer face."

Walking by the mess hall, the door abruptly swung open and smacked Brady in the face. Over his squeals of pain was the sound of an angry feminine voice and a begging masculine one.

"For the last time, Inigo, I'm not gonna go down to the lake with you!" a female mercenary snarled, her face red with anger and embarrassment. The informed fellow mercenary ran in front of her, kneeling to the ground and folding his hands.

"Please Severa, I beg of you! This will be a joyous experience for the both of us!" he pleaded. Severa huffed and walked past the kneeling boy, rolling his eyes at his desperateness. She noticed Yarne, Noire, and Owain watching the entire scene and glared a bit.

"It's just Inigo being an idiot again, nothing big," she told them, smirking a bit.

"R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D! What's that spell? REJECTED!" Owain sang, causing Inigo to glare angrily at the myrmidon. Her smirk widening as she giggled, Severa walked off in the direction her tent was in.

"U-Um...sorry Inigo..." Noire apologized. "M-Maybe Severa's playing hard to get...?"

Perking up, Olivia's son stood up and put a hand to his chin in thought. "Hmm...Perhaps you're right, Noire. My sweet, sweet Severa just wants some attention, is all," he beamed.

Clutching his nose, Brady staggered up to the others. "Ya weren't supposed to encourage him, Noire..." he muttered, tears in his eyes. "A-After we tell this moron what the plan is, can we go down to the medical tent so I can get my nose looked at?"

Yarne cleared his throat. "Maybe a bit later, Brady. Sorry to bother you, Inigo, but would you like to help save my life?"

Inigo gave a broad grin. "But of course! ...As long as we see plenty of women."

"Oh, there'll be plenty," Yarne lied, closing the door to the mess hall.

Suddenly the door swung wide open again, hitting poor Brady in the face once again. He cried out and fell to the ground as a young girl ran out.

"Oh my gosh, HIIII GUYS!" she said loudly. It was Cynthia, Sumia's daughter, and she was obviously excited about something. "Did you guys HEAR?! We're fixing to go, like, fight a battle! Yarne, you and I are supposed to pair up together! IT'S GONNA BE SO GREAT!"

Yarne sweatdropped. "...Uh...I...I'm sure that'd be great, Cynthia, but...um...I can't."

Cynthia's face instantly fell. "Why not?"

"Well, I...um..." Yarne knew that if Cynthia was told about what was going on, she would want to come, which would upset Owain and start a huge argument. He coughed into his good hand, tucking his other arm behind his back so she couldn't see that he was missing the other hand. "I'm not feeling so good..."

Owain blinked. "What? Brady, you heard him! He's not feeling good! Get up and heal him so he can fight with Miss Cynthia!"

Brady muttered something inaudible from where he lay in a heap on the floor and made a very rude gesture towards Owain before standing up and pushing the door shut again.

Cynthia looked down. "No, it's okay...sorry for bothering you..."

"I'll make it up to you later," Yarne promised, feeling guilty. "How about when I feel better we got train together?"

She perked up instantly. "Oh, that's quite all right!" she said happily. "I'll go tell Chrom you aren't feeling good! Byeeeeeee!" The young girl took off running to where Chrom was at, pulling the door out as she went and hitting Brady in the face once again. He moaned and fell to the ground.

Noire blinked. "...So...what now?"

"We should go meet BABES!" Inigo cheered.

"No," Yarne said automatically. "We have to figure out our next move..."

Owain drew his sword. "Now...we have to go back in time."

"How?"

"...I haven't figured out that part yet."

"All hail Owain," Inigo said sarcastically, "the king of knowledge."

"Hey, I don't need your snark!" Owain snapped. "My sword hand and I would get into quite the lengthy discussion with you."

Ignoring the banter between the two, Yarne snapped his fingers. "I got it! Maybe Laurent can figure out something to send us back in time, and then transport us back here to the present! First, we have to plan out our story."

Noire looked down at her boots in thought. "Hmm...I think I have an idea-"

"I got it!" Owain exclaimed, cutting off the poor archer girl unintentionally. "Tell him that it's a life and death situation for the entire army! That will surely get him to send us back in time."

Yarne sighed. "It IS a life and death situation, but for ME. Why do we have to bring everyone else into this?" he complained.

"Come now, Yarne, wouldn't making it sound like everyone's in danger make for a more epic adventure?"

"Um...guys..." Noire spoke up again, but unfortunately was ignored by the four boys. This time, Inigo spoke up.

"I agree with Owain, actually," he smiled brightly. "But instead of everyone in the army being in danger, it's all the GIRLS!"

"Okay, that has NOTHING to do with me!" Yarne snapped, glaring at Inigo. "Your idea is a bunch of-"

"Malarkey?" Brady suggested, rubbing his red nose.

"Yes! Exactly that!"

"Hey, I-I have something to say..." Noire once again piped in, her anger and frustration growing.

"B-But the lasses!" Inigo argued.

"But me!" Yarne shot back.

"Ah, the perfect argument within a five man band," Owain said gleefully. "It just shows how soon we will unite as a group!"

"Owain, I'm gonna smack ya," Brady snarled, taking out his staff.

"I'd like to see you try, felon!"

"THAT'S IT, YER GONNA-"

"BLOOD AND THUNDER!"

All four blanched at the loud screech and turned fearfully toward Noire, whose face was contorted with anger as she glared maniacally at the four. "JUST SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! The blithering nonsense coming from your yaps is the most irritating thing to my delicate ears!"

Yarne gulped. "N-Noire, c-calm down-"

"NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN, RABBIT! Now, listen to what I have to say, or face fatal consequences!" Noire snapped.

All four boys quieted instantly, except for a mutter from Owain about his sword hand twitching.

Noire took a deep breath. "AHEM...we could tell Laurent that HE was in danger. He'd definitely listen to us THEN."

"Then he'd want to come!" Owain pouted.

"SILENCE!" Noire roared. "Does ANYONE have a better idea? Anyone at all?"

The boys remained silent. Crickets began to chirp in the background.

"Good! Then that's what we'll tell Laurent, all right?"

"Or you could just tell Laurent the truth," a cold voice came from behind her. Noire whirled around.

Yarne gulped. "Laurent?!"

The young man adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. "I hear my name and then hear you all conniving to tell me some asinine stories. What is actually going on in this thundering platoon?"


End file.
